%%%%% % % .=%%%%%=. =%/' % '\%= - -- --- .%%' % % '%%. ------------------------------------- -- - ___ %% ___ % % %% ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ __ ___ |__ |\ %/|__ %|\/|||\%|| | | |__ | |__||__ /\ | |__)|__ | | \/%|___ | |||%\||_/| | |___ | | ||___/--\ | | \|___ %% %% - -- --- '%% %%' ---------- P R E S E N T S - =%\. ./%= ^=%%%%%=^ Thanks to everyone who mailed me saying they liked these! Now, which one to do next? Hmmm... Gunbuster? *EVIL GRIN* Little tip: Don't ever move house. Particularly don't move house to an area of Manchester named after a hallucigenic 70's kids TV series. The van drivers think you're taking the piss. Ooops, just to be on the safe side as this is a spamfic... #pragma warning(disable:4786) (and if you get THAT joke, you're a true geek... ;) - Subi [14/12/99] ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunsmith Cats belongs to Kenichi Sonoda / Kodansha - VAP - TBS, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Black: We didn't find Radinov's body in the car, so despite my reassurances, she's probably still out there looking for revenge. Not that I know her personally or anything. Roy: I get back from holiday to find _this_ waiting for me. Thanks a _lot_ Rally. Rally: Not _my_ fault, it was that crazy Russian bitch. Roy: This one? Rally: Yep. She's probably dead though. Roy: Then take this bag of tacky Hawaiian souvenirs and get out of here. Rally: GRRR! I take it back! She's still alive and sticking knives into my car bonnet! She'd better have good insurance... are you alright sweetie? *MWAH* ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : GUNSMITH CATS Chapter 0.3: High Speed Edge Original screenplay: Atsuji Kaneko Parody: Subi ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Rally: Well, there's a turn up for the books. That nutjob Senator Haints wants to give us an award during some campaign rally. Becky: He's the one who wants to ban guns isn't he? Phhht, like the NRA'll let _him_ get elected. Rally: But we can use this to tell him about the leak in the ATF, and that that Ginger Spice lookalike's still alive. Radinov: Don't mind me, I'm just trashing this ATF safe house and mutilating myself to vork off some anger. Actually, she's right. I could do with a change of hairstyle. *CHOPCHOP* May: Guess it's my turn to prance around in my underwear for a bit. And patronise Rally about her inability to find a boyfriend. Rally: Like I _want_ to. I hate high heels. What do you want Collins? Collins: Just your help again. And for this policeman to leave me alone. Policeman: Go away. Rally: I second that. Collins: Back at the office, a bit-part character has just told me that my boss is up to something nasty. He was the leak?! I would never have guessed... Cathy: _Bit-part_?! Can't I at least be a cameo? Black: It's all true. Didn't do me any good though, Radinov just did me in anyway. Radinov: I love my job. And I love setting booby traps for moronic ATF agents. Collins: Bitch. But at least I know who's behind all this now. Haints. Who Rally and May going to meet. Tomorrow. Oh shit. Shame I'm going to be unconscious for the foreseeable future. Rally: Do you hear me complaining? Actually, you do, but only about the fact that I'm freezing cold, been waiting for hours to speak to Haints, and that it's pissing it down. And you're not helping matters Roy. Roy: Sorry. I think you're on. Rally: At last. Hi Collins, why're you bleeding? Collins: I'm here in the nick of time! Rally: And is that Radinov making an insane charge towards us with all guns blazing? Radinov: Sure is. I saw them do something like this in Reservoir Dogs, ain't it cool? *BRAKABRAKABRAKA* Rally: As we're the good guys, everyone _except_ us gets hit. C'mon May! She went into that big old house! May: Okay! Let's split up so it'll be easier for her to kill us! Radinov: I'll vait for you on the roof. Oh. You found me. Eat vater tower! *BOOM* Rally & May: ARRGH! Radinov: And now eat knife! Rally: ARRGH! Again! And that was my gun arm! May: I thought only the bad guys got hurt? Eat flash grenade! Radinov: Yes, but in the big finale it's traditional for the heroes to be half-killed. AAAOW! Vhere'd they go? Rally: Okay, let's recap. I can't use my gun arm, and May can't use her hands. We could be screwed here. Radinov: If you think I'm gonna fall for these noddy little booby- traps, then yes you are. I'll set one off just to confuse you, and then follow the trail of blood you're leaving. Hmmm... Hiding in the toilets are you? Take this! May: Wrong cubicle. *BOOOM* Guess that's her finished. Haints: Meanwhile, I'm in a sulk because Radinov could've killed me as well. Shit! Radinov! What're you doing in my office? Hang on... This is a perfect opportunity for a bit of expoistion and then to kill her... Blah blah blah. *CLICK* Empty. Bugger. And you're not really Radinov are you? Kate: Nope. Thanks for falling for this so quickly by the way, that wig was getting hot. Bit of a cop-out ending though. Still, who's complaining? Roy: Not me. Book him Danno. Rally: Thank God that's over. And who's Danno? Radinov: I'm not dead yet! PSYCHO FIREAXE ATTACK! Collins: Appearing the nick of time once is bad enough, twice in a row is pushing credibility somewhat. *BANG* Actually, I _meant_ to hit the axe instead of Radinov, just to give Rally the pleasure of finishing her off. Rally: Thanks. I think. *BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG* I'm surprised my gun's not empty by now, considering how anal Sonada gets about accurate gun specs. Radinov: Oh, it's still got bullets in. I can vouch for that. Urk. *SLUMP* Rally: Hey! I just realised! I got though a whole gun battle without losing any clothing! Shame you didn't get to see how sexy my car was this episode though... May: Yes folks, life in America _really_ is like this. Would anime lie to you? Roy: I take it you haven't seen Mad Bull then? ----------------------------------------------------------------------- And finally, here's a conversation I had in my head last night... ArtSubi: Okay everyone, if I could just have your attention for a moment... CoderSubi: mov in_here, arse MusicSubi: What? I couldn't hear him, whadisay? ArtSubi: It has come to my attention that another aspect of us has come into existance. Whilst I can't say I approve, particularly as I should be drawing those EVA:R' pics right now, there isn't really much we can do about it. So please say hello to WriterSubi. WriterSubi: Hi. CoderSubi: As the aspect who earns the money round here, do I get a say in this? ArtSubi: No. Now go and stop MusicSubi eating the sofa. MusicSubi: Aw. *CHOMP* ArtSubi: WriterSubi, welcome to the family. Now repeat after me the Pedge. "I will never..." WriterSubi: "I will never..." ArtSubi: "...do anything involving..." WriterSubi: "...do anything involving..." ArtSubi: "...Ramna 1/2 or Sailor Moon..." WriterSubi: "...Ramna 1/2 or Sailor Moon..." ArtSubi: "...that does not involve..." WriterSubi: "...that does not involve..." ArtSubi: "...the unspeakably violent death of the above named." WriterSubi: "...the unspeakably violent death of the above named." Not even as a parody? ArtSubi: Mabye... subi@mono211.com http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/ [end]