%%%%% % % .=%%%%%=. =%/' % '\%= - -- --- .%%' % % '%%. ------------------------------------- -- - ___ %% ___ % % %% ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ __ ___ |__ |\ %/|__ %|\/|||\%|| | | |__ | |__||__ /\ | |__)|__ | | \/%|___ | |||%\||_/| | |___ | | ||___/--\ | | \|___ %% %% - -- --- '%% %%' ---------- P R E S E N T S - =%\. ./%= ^=%%%%%=^ Bugger. Looks like the first part of this one got caught in the Christmas rush. Better get the rest out now... ;) Archive at site below... - Subi [14/12/99] ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunsmith Cats belongs to Kenichi Sonoda / Kodansha - VAP - TBS, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Radinov: They brought me all the vay from Russia just to kill an overveight middle-aged security guard? These Americans are _real_ vimps. *SNIK* Guard: Ulk... Why don't you just use a normal gun? Radinov: Because this veird knife blade shooting thing makes me look cool and evil. Even though it vould be _far_ simpler just to stab you, as ve're only two feet apart. Hitman: That was really cool and evil. And that fact that you talk like Count Dracula makes it even more so. Want to kill someone else? Radinov: Not if you don't stop being a racist bastard, you American shit. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : GUNSMITH CATS Chapter 0.2: Swing High Original screenplay: Atsuji Kaneko Parody: Subi ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Rally: You'd better not just want a peek up my skirt again, Washington. Washington: Hold on a minute, just got to almost psychically find all the bugs the ATF put in this room. Okay, done. I'm about to be killed and I want you to give this watch to my daughter. Rally: I don't believe you. Goodbye. May: Hey! Hands off the merchandise pal! Rally: *VROOOM* Why did you take it May? You're too soft. May: Ah, forget it. C'mon, let's set some attack patterns to music. I got the idea from Evangelion episode 9. AAAH! Did we just nearly crash? Rally: Yup. And it was all _her_ fault. I won't forget this, and I won't forget that bad dye-job either. Is she trying to look like one of the Spice Girls? Radinov: No. Time to die, Vashington. Washington: I'm getting killed to the sound of a newscast about a politician called Edward Haints who's running for mayor on the strength of his proposal to ban firearms. Is he mad? Has he never heard of the National Rifle Association lobby? Radinov: I don't know, but that's George Black, head of the ATF standing beside him. *SNIK* Washington: Urk... And it was particularly cool and evil of you to use Collins' card to get into the house... Radinov: Hey, I'm good at vhat I do. Black: Collins, you're off the case! Collins: WAAAH! Sniff... Radinov: Cool, more people to kill. Is this comedy Russian accent bothering anyone by the vay? 'Cause it's _really_ pissing _me_ off. Bloody stereotyping. Matt Greenfield: Hey, stereotypes sell. Just ask Sailor Moon. Rally: Meanwhile, we've just discovered that Washington's daughter appears to be a 20-stone transvestite. May: I think he was lying. Rally: True, but that's no reason to flash your panties at us just because I nicked your DIET PEPSI (THE CHOICE FOR A NEW GENERATION). Hey, when did we start doing product placements? May: I don't know, but at least this little altercation caused us to find out that Collins bugged our house _again_. Let's blow him up. Rally: For once I agree. Nail the pervert. May: *BOOM* Collins: Now _that_ was just _so_ unnecessary. Becky: Okay, let's figure this out. What was Washington doing when you caught him? And will you stop with the stupid timing exercise already? Rally: Sorry. He was surfing for porn. Which is all anybody _ever_ does on the Internet. Becky: It gets dull after the first six months, _believe_ me. So let's take a wild guess and say this is a URL. Has he scratched a password into the strap of that watch? May: Yes. Becky: Am I a genius or what? Yeeesh... Isn't it time you upgraded your computer Rally? This looks like an XT! _And_ you're still using IE3! Rally: Hey, I do hardware, not software. Besides, this series was made in 1996 y'know. Yup, that's the porn site he was looking at. Not that I can tell them apart or anything. *COUGH* Is that password an AdultCheck ID? Becky: Nope, it's the entry code to a secret database of times and addresses. Wow, that was lucky. I'll print it out. Collins: ...and you're doing me a copy too, even though you don't know it. How many bugs did I put in your house anyway? Ooops, hi boss. Just writing my report, honest. Rally: Another warehouse full of guns. Time for this episode's shootout. May: And this episode's quota of sleazy bad guys. *BOOM* Rally: Not to mention this episode's quota of me doing posy tricks with my gun. Hey! It's the Geri Haliwell wannabe who nearly ran me off the road! Collins: And it's me, too. Rally: Yuck, even though you did save me. Have you seen May? May: AAAH! Collins: I think that's her. Looks like Radinov's kidnapped her. Rally: Let's go, Becky! *VROOOM* May and I worked out this whole car chase sequence set to music! Becky: Why? Rally: It just seemed like the thing to do. And my car _is_ sexy, isn't it? Becky: I don't care, I'm currently too terrified to speak. Radinov: Eat juggernaut bitch! Rally: Hey! That was my fender! Radinov: And _that_ was your vindscreen. Rally: *BANG* And _that_ was your earlobe. Radinov: ARRGH! May: *BOOM* And _that_ was your rear window. Bye-bye! _Those_ were my panties again by the way. Rally: And _that_ was a lousy catch Becky. May: Worked for me. _That's_ an open swing-bridge. Radinov: AAAH! *SPLOSH* Rally: And _that's_ the end of this episode. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- subi@mono211.com http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/ [end]