%%%%% % % .=%%%%%=. =%/' % '\%= - -- --- .%%' % % '%%. ------------------------------------- -- - ___ %% ___ % % %% ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ __ ___ |__ |\ %/|__ %|\/|||\%|| | | |__ | |__||__ /\ | |__)|__ | | \/%|___ | |||%\||_/| | |___ | | ||___/--\ | | \|___ %% %% - -- --- '%% %%' ---------- P R E S E N T S - =%\. ./%= ^=%%%%%=^ Part one of the reduction and decimation of Gunsmith Cats (or is it Gun Smith Cats? ;) Number 2 on Thursday... The next terror attack is in preperation... no clues, but have you ever tried to find more than fifty words that mean "breast"? ;) - Subi 06/12/99 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Gunsmith Cats belongs to Kenichi Sonoda / Kodansha - VAP - TBS, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- May: I take it we're not the sort of people who just go in with guns blazing then? Rally: Nope. Now just phone up the scumbag's room and give him prior warning of our arrival for no reason whatsoever, willya? Washington: It may seem obsessively paranoid of me to pull out my sawn- off just because I got a wrong number call, but you'll soon see that it's justifiable. May: He's right. Catch! *BOOM* Washington: AAAOW! The pain! But that gratuitous ogle up your skirt is making me feel a _lot_ better. Maybe I should get out my _other_ sawn-off. Rally: I'd really rather you didn't. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : GUNSMITH CATS Chapter 0.1: The Neutral Zone Original screenplay: Atsuji Kaneko Parody: Subi ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Rally: So, Becky, you're thickening the plot by telling me that Washington had no reason to break out of jail? Becky: Yup. Gimme money. Rally: Later, I've got a customer. And this is a perfect opportunity to show off what a total gun freak I am. And get sleazed on by all the men who come into my shop looking for penis substitutes. Customer: Frigid. Damn. May: For some reason, even though I'm younger than Rally, I'm giving her advice on picking up men. What do I know? It's not as if I'm an ex-child prostitute in the original manga, which fact has been written out of this series, is it? Is it?! Collins: I wouldn't know, I wasn't in it. But I _do_ know that if you don't help me nail Washington I'll rat on you to the IRS. Rally: Bastard. I spit on the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. May, let's go home. Check out my car folks, ain't it sexy? May: And _she_ complains about her _customers_ looking for penis substitutes? Collins: I'm still trying to decide if planting bugs in women's houses turns me on or not. But next time, I think I'll send my men outside before I turn on the speaker. Hey! Who are those guys? Rally: Burglers? Yippee! A chance to shoot people in my underwear! Is this series targeted at a young male audience or what? *BANG* *BANG* Burgler #1: ARRGH! Burgler #2: ARRGH! May: My turn. *BOOM* Burgler #3: ARRGH! Rally: I suppose you just _had_ to blow the house up, right? Collins: Isn't it convenient that I show up to arrest the bad guys _so_ quickly? Rally: Yeah, it's as if you had our house bugged or something. Collins: Who, _me_? And now I've found your secret weapons stash you're gonna help me, aren't you? Rally: Do I have a choice? Washington? Washington: Yeah? Rally: Sell me some guns, will you? Washington: Okay. Rally: Happy now, Collins? Collins: Yep. Excuse me, I've just got to get chewed out by my boss, and explain my suspicions about a leak in the ATF. Black: I'm suspiciously not interested. Becky: And _I'm_ pissed off. Although it's none of my business. If you've _quite_ finished shooting off, Rally, can we go out for dinner now? Rally: Oh _boy_ that felt good... Okay, let's go. *VROOOM* Becky: This is _not_ a restaurant. Rally: Nope, it's a warehouse. Keep an eye on May whilst I get felt up by a bunch of crooks please. Yes mister pervert that _is_ all the guns I'm carrying, honest. Washington, stop surfing the 'net for porn and let's do business. Washington: Sure, right after you shoot this guy. Rally: Okay. Collins: Rally?! How could you? Rally: ...but I want some proof that you've actually _got_ some guns to sell me, Washington. Hey... Those fake limbs look familiar somehow... Washington: Took you long enough. That's the fourth reference to the original manga so far this episode. Now are you gonna kill him or not? Rally: Not. *BANG* Wasn't that a complicated action sequence? Collins: Too fast for _me_ to follow, but I seem to be free now. Now all we've got to worry about is a warehouse full of heavily-armed bad guys. Why don't I throw Washington at them? Rally: Moron. *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* Collins: *BANG* Bad Guy: Even though we outgun them by about a million to one there's no _way_ we'll beat them. They're the _good_ guys. Rally: *CLICK* Drat! Out of ammo. Oooh... What a convenient place to leave a shotgun. *BOOM* Bad Guy: See? ARRGH! Rally: And I did it with my eyes closed too. AAAOW! How did that crane manage to rip off my shirt _and_ trap me at the same time?! Collins: Hold on, time for a pointlessly stupid heroic manouvere! Rally: And I have to take off the _rest_ of my clothes to get free. What a surprise. Is it written into my contract that I can't fire a gun without being semi-naked or something? *BANG* Collins: Maybe, but I'm not gonna let it distract me. *BANG* Yet. I think that's everyone. May: You missed one. *BOOM* Rally: She just _has_ to butt in, doesn't she? Stop staring at my tits, Collins. Collins: Aw. So no chance of you doing another little job for me then? Rally & May: NO! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- subi@mono211.com http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/ [end]