%%%%% % % .=%%%%%=. =%/' % '\%= - -- --- .%%' % % '%%. ------------------------------------- -- - ___ %% ___ % % %% ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ __ ___ |__ |\ %/|__ %|\/|||\%|| | | |__ | |__||__ /\ | |__)|__ | | \/%|___ | |||%\||_/| | |___ | | ||___/--\ | | \|___ %% %% - -- --- '%% %%' ---------- P R E S E N T S - =%\. ./%= ^=%%%%%=^ ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Burn-Up W belongs to AIC/MRC, and they HAVEN'T said I can do this. Be nice and don't tell them. Cheers! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Subi: I _warned_ you about that bloody Princess Minerva trailer Greenfield! Prepare to die! Matt Greenfield: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH! *SPLUTCH* Subi: Ooops, my mistake, it was Dragon Half. Aw, what the hell, that one was annoying me as well. _And_ it serves him right for charging £12.99 an episode for this. Guess I'll be buying that NTSC VCR if I want to see Bakaretsu Hunter then. Maki: Meanwhile, we're just making up for lost fan service. Nice... straps girls. Rio & Maya: Cheers. We should've got that Victoria's Secret catalogue job. Maki: I was thinking more Ann Summers. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 5 MINUTE THEATRE PRESENTS : BURN-UP W File 0.4: Policetown Assault - Act 2 Original screenplay: Katsuhiko Kochiba & Sumio Uetake Parody: Subi ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Maki: Lilica, I'm afraid your rack just isn't in the same league as Rio and Maya's, so you have to stay here and hack back into the police network. Lilica: I _knew_ when Daddy told me to get into silicon he actually meant silicone. Nanvel: Hey, we're safe, don't knock it. Yuji: What can I do? Actually, what _do_ I do in WARRIOR anyway? About the only useful thing I've ever done is fly that helicopter back in episode one. Maki: We're experimenting with a new concept, the token male. Nanvel: Maya? Can I interest you in a big gun? Maya: Is the Pope Catholic? Nanvel: Then here you go. Rio, you get the big metal glove thing. Rio: Nice. Nanvel: I am obliged to warn you both that use of these weapons could do nasty things to your cute bodies. Maya: Who gives a shit? Rio: Our papayas are big enough to absorb most of the recoil anyway. Let's rock 'n' roll! Maki: Hold on, just let me tie Chisato's ribbon round Rio's glove in a deeply poignant gesture. Virtual Drug Syndicate Boss: And let us tell you about the three evil minions they'll be facing. Wolf Head, Jackal Head and Dober Head. _Dober_ head?! What the hell does _that_ mean? Henchman: She's taken off her sun-gla-sseeess... Someone's gon-na get hur-rt... Rio: Whatever we do, we mustn't get split up. Maya: Gotcha. *SLAM* Well, there goes that idea. Rio: Never mind, it's the last episode, we can't fail! Maya: Good thing too. Ah, here's mine. *BANGBANGBANGBANG* Start at the toes, work upwards. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wolf Head: Oooh! Aaah! Ooow! Rio: That girl is _evil_. YIII! Eat cybernetic fist pointyhair! Jackal Head: *CLUNK* YEEHEEheeheehee! Excuse me while I reconnect my spine. Rio: This bloke's taking the mickey. Wolf Head: Drat! Run out of ammo. Jackal Head: Stop mucking about, I've already managed to cut my little policebabe. Fifteen-love to _me_ I think. Nanvel: Maki! Telephone! Maki: What do you mean withdraw?! Come down here and give that order yourself! Will you still give it after stepping over the blood- soaked bodies of your co-workers? Nanvel: Nice speech. Lilica: Yeah, had me feeling proud to be a policewoman. Maki's Boss: Seeing as we probably had a go on the Syndicate's Virtual Drug back in episode one, then yes, we will. Maki: Screw you then. Maya: *BANG* *BANG* *BANG* *MACHO BANTER* *BANG* *BANG* Rio: This is embarrassing, Maya's running rings around her guy, and I'm letting this psycho chop me up bit by bit! AAAH! Yuji: What a time to realise the depth of my feelings for Rio that _don't_ include thoughts of her huge tracts of land. Rio! I'm coming! And I never thought I'd get to do _that_ line. This isn't quite the context in which I envisaged saying it though. Maya: Unk! That was my ribcage you bastard! Eat motorbike! Wolf Head: ARRGH! Actually, I'll have to remember this next time I need a shave. Maya: Okay, but don't forget the anti-tank rounds. *BANGBANGBANGBANG BANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANGBANG* I _think_ that's enough. Wold Head: I think so too. *SLUMP* Lilica: Ah, stuff this techie hacker shit, I'm not clever enough. Let's just crash the system. Yes folks, I'm one of those bastards who spend their spare time writing computer viruses. Fortunately my irresponsible behaviour can be put to good use. This time. Dober Head: Bugger. Insert obligatory Win98 joke here. Maya: Wonder how Rio's doing? Rio: Not too bad now, actually. Oh _Yuji_! What did you have to come and ruin things for? Yuji: Like I _wanted_ this to happen. Jackal Head: Well _I_ appreciate the neat inversion of the old "damsel in distress" plot device even if she doesn't. _And_ it gives me the chance to show off how hard I am by ignoring my broken arm. Yuji: Glad I could help. Would you mind taking that knife away? Jackal Head: Yes. But tell you what, I'll try and take your mind off your predicament. Drop your gun, baby. And your glove. And your panties. A little skinny dip won't hurt you. After all, with those hooters there's _no_ chance of you drowning. Phwoooar... Yuji: Actually, I agree. Phwoooar... Rio: No! I'm not taking off any more clothes! Jackal Head: Why not? Yuji: Yeah, why not?! Jackal Head: Curses! Is this the last minute show of defiance that will dramatically turn the tables on me and free my hostage? Rio: No, it's just that this series is only classed as ecchi, so topless is all you're getting! BIG METAL GLOVE THING ATTACK! Jackal Head: ARRGH! Rio: I love you Yuji. *MWAH* Yuji: Well, this is a turn up for the books. Rio: Ah, the viewers knew I loved you all along. Yuji: Are you going to carry on fighting half-naked? Rio: Don't be stupid. If I don't have some support whilst engaging in physical activity, my headlights will be down to my knees by the time I'm thirty. Yuji: Fair point. Hi Maya. I see you're doing the macho bit and ignoring your broken ribs too. Maya: Yup. Let's go get the other one Rio. Dober Head: You won't shoot. Rio: Oh yeah? *BANG* Just kidding. Maya: Cool! I've never seen anyone brown their trousers before. I love Russian roulette, don't you? Saigon roulette's even more fun, you play it with one _empty_ chamber. And if we had a shotgun we could play Seattle roulette... Maki: That girl is _sick_. And right at the end the whole case gets taken away from us by some secret Government department. What mysteries - Yuji: She loves me. Maki: - What mysteries await - Yuji: She loves me! Maki: - mysteries await Team WARRIOR - Yuji: SHE LOVES ME! Maki: Yuji, will you just SHUT UP?! Now, can anybody think of a better name than "Burn-Up XS" for the sequel? As if this one wasn't excessive enough... ----------------------------------------------------------------------- [SCENE: WRITERSUBI typing, ARTSUBI sketching away.] WriterSubi: Phew. Another 5MT finished. ArtSubi: What do you mean "phew"? Hardly epic, was it? WriterSubi: Shut up. It was popular, at least. Looks like you were right, ecchi sells. And now a few things I'd like to say... ArtSubi: Oh gawd. Nauseatingly sincere bit coming up. [WRITERSUBI pokes ARTSUBI in the eye.] ArtSubi: AAARRGH! WriterSubi: (grins) Sorry folks, those graphics may be a _little_ late. I'd just want to thank everybody who mailed me about this little parody, your comments were much appreciated and taken on board. I even rewrote the last two episodes entirely after one mail. Special thanks to Shinji the 10 O'clock Assassin who suggested 5MTing Burn-Up W in the first place, and sorry I couldn't do Battle Athletes, but we know who's fault _that_ is. (glares at all the UK anime distributors) And speaking of suggestions, I'm open to them on which series to do next. Pick one from the list below and mail me. Adventure Kids #1-3 Armitage III #1-4 Armitage III Polymatrix Black Magic M-66 Battle Skipper #1 Bubblegum Crisis #1-8 Bubblegum Crash #1 Burn-Up W #1-4 Debutante Detective Corps Devil Hunter Yoko #1-3 Devilman OAV #1-2 Dirty Pair Flash #1-6 Dirty Pair Flash 2 #1-5 801 TTS Airbats #1-5 El Hazard OAV #1-7 El Hazard OAV 2 #1-4 Ellcia #1-4 Genocyber #1-3 Ghost in the Shell Gunbuster #1-6 Gunsmith Cats #1-3 The Guyver #1-4 Hyperdoll #1-2 Iria #1-6 Macross the Movie- Clash of the Bionoids Macross Plus the Movie Neon Genesis Evangelion #1-26 Patlabor the Movie Patlabor 2 the Movie Perfect Blue Phantom Quest Corp #1-4 Plastic Little Pretty Sammy OAV #1-3 Rei Rei #1-2 Slayers the Motion Picture Slayers OAV #1-3 Tenchi Muyo OAV #1-14 Tenchi Muyo the Movie - Tenchi Muyo in Love Tenchi Muyo the Movie 2 - Daughter of Darkness Tokyo Babylon #1-2 Urotsukidoji Legend of the Overfiend the Movie (slice 'n' dice British Censor remix) Urusai Yatsura - Only You Urusai Yatsura TV #1-4 WriterSubi: And I think you know the one proviso by now... [WRITERSUBI picks up a gun, takes aim at Ranma Saotome, who is just walking past the window, and blows off his head.] WriterSubi: Cheers! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Subi [28/01/00] subi@mono211.com http://www.geocities.com/SiliconValley/Orchard/4834/ [end]